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10-10-13
Let me just start this by saying I feel REALLY overloaded
right now. I’m sure that 90% of this is
a direct relation to getting what feels like 2 hours of sleep per night in
approximately 15 minute increments. Seriously, my best sleep this morning was in
between 5 minute snooze alarms between 6:30 and 6:50. I had actual dreams I was
falling into such deep sleep. In 5 minutes.
I have had a throbbing headache for
four days straight....
...
The daily routine is not impossible to overcome. On a day-to-day basis, it’s not even that
bad. But every morning is a test of my
wits trying to get Kid 1 fed, dressed, and ready to go. I am challenged most mornings with a fit of
“I don’t want to go to school!” “ I
don’t’ want to get dressed” “ I don’t want to take my diaper off.” All the
whining and crying and fits and tantrums you’ve heard before. EVERY single step in the morning is a
challenge. And I have to deal with it
EVERY single morning by myself.
And I don’t even get a shower in.
If I were to wake up at 6:30 every morning, it’s still hit
or miss if I can’t a chance for my own personal hygiene. I’ve started keeping make-up at work so that
I can at least look somewhat decent- even if I smell bad.
It’s fine on a day-to-day basis. But this week, getting approximately 2 hours
of sleep in about 15 minute increments all night, it was just too much. It’s draining after a while.
And here's what my morning is like: Wake up, probably to nurse Baby. Get up, get my contacts in so I can
see-meanwhile leaving Baby on the bed with pillows around her, stressing for
those two minutes that she won’t either roll off or roll into a corner or flop
blankets onto her head and suffocate.
Once I can see, I change her diaper.
Head out to the kitchen.
If Kid is not up yet, I get my
coffee, get her cereal with blueberries and milk all set up for her, and gather
all my pumping stuff, all the while with Baby in one arm. Then I sit down to pump….for like twenty
minutes, I’m tied to the pump. I can’t
move more than a foot an a half without disconnecting. If Kid gets up and needs help going to
the bathroom, I’ve got to completely disconnect, leaving Baby on the floor by
herself (probably crying) and go help
her, then come back and set up all over again.
After that, I go get dressed. I leave Kid to eat her
food, and take Baby with me. Kid follows me anyway. I put Baby on the bed
surrounded by pillows and keeping an eye on her the whole time so that she
doesn’t roll off or suffocate. Kid entertains herself by doing something that she shouldn’t be doing. This morning, I took away one toothpaste tube
after another after other bottles of gooey stuff that she grabbed out of the
bathroom cabinet. When I finally got
through to her that she shouldn’t be playing in the closet of stuff, she
started kicking the mirrored doors over and over again. Then she slammed the door, and started
whining at Dog that he couldn’t be in the room. Then she started climbing on the bed and jumping
on the bed while her sister is laying there.
All this during the 5-7 minutes that it took for me to put some clothes
on.
Then comes the real battle of getting Kid dressed. This morning I finally decided it wasn’t
worth the battle and left her in her PJs since she was just going to grandma
and grandpa’s house. Most mornings,
though, this involves picking out an outfit (usually sorting through all the
clothes with one arm while I hold Baby in the other and Kid starts pulling
all her toys from the toybox). Then
trying to persuade her to put it on while I put Baby down on the floor or in
her jumper. “Which shirt would your
rather wear?” “I want to wear my PJ’s”. “Ooh, look at this shirt, isn’t it
soo cute!” “Yeah!”….runs away. “Let’s take off that Stinky diaper” “Nooooo” *tantrum ensues*. These kinds of
battles take place on most mornings. On
a good morning, she’s excited to wear something (yesterday, it was her
rainjacket, so I was able to get her dressed easily, until it came time to put
her socks on. Then she went into a
MASSIVE fit about not wanting to wear socks.
I’m talking massive, the Nanny can attest to the ridiculousness of the
whole thing) But on most mornings, it’s
a battle from the time I get the diaper off to the time I get the last shoe on,
usually with at least one tantrum.
By this time, it’s about 8:15. Time to nurse Baby again to top her off
before I leave. Where is my cup of
coffee? Oh, one more cold sip is left. I pour my second cup before I sit down with
her. Dammit!! I only get 2/3 of a cup.
I am relieved when the Nanny arrives so that I can do
something with two hands. I quickly pass Baby off to her, even though in the
whole morning, I’ve probably only actually cuddled her for about 15 minutes, including
nursing time.
Thank goodness you made Kid's lunch the night
before. Dangit, I still haven’t made any
of my food for lunch. Oh shoot, I haven’t given the dogs their food or water yet. How did it get to be 8:55 already?? I guess
I’m going to be late …..again!
In the car on the way to school…”No I don’t want to go to
school, whaaa, whaaa, whaa.”
I am relieved that we’ve changed schools. Now, even though I’ve probably doubled my
commute time, at least I get 15 minutes in the car by myself. I can listen to the radio without someone
saying “NOOOOO, I don’t WANT the Radio!”
Ugh. I have a headache
again at work. All day. It’s hard to stay focused on anything, I’m so
tired. Then in our weekly team meeting,
I have to remind my Boss that I’m not available on Friday’s- I stay home on Friday's with the kids. I feel like a total slacker. Most days at work, I go through the day
without even talking to a single other person, okay, maybe the Janitor for a few minutes.
Dammit, Is it already time to pump? I close my office door, strip down practically naked
in my office for twenty minutes, hoping that no one will come in. I have to do this twice during the day. If we happen to have any meetings scheduled
during the times I usually pump, I get nervous and edgy. My boobs start feeling full an uncomfortable,
and I worry about pumping too late in the day, or only once during the
day.
End of the day. I go
to get Kid (from school, normally). I
have a throbbing headache, and am so tired I wonder about the safety of
driving. I definitely can’t focus.
Picking her up from school is usually awesome. She runs over to me and is really happy to
see me (other than Tuesday when she did NOT want to leave). Then we get in the car to drive home. “I
don’t want to go home!!!” …”Come on, let’s go home and see Daddy.” I
don’t WANT to see Daddy. I want to go to
the store. I want to go to Gaggi’s
house. Whaaaa whaaa whaa.
My headache worsens.
I get home. You
aren’t home yet. Kid wants me to
carry her inside. I grab her first, then
grab my pump, my lunch bag, my purse, my bag of milk, Quincy’s lunch bag, and
her bag of clothes, plus any loose stuff that she has pulled out on the drive
home. I’m sure I’ve missed some stuff,
so my car will just get more messy.
I barely dump all my stuff and wash my hands, and the Nanny is
ready to hand Baby over and skiddaddle.
The house is a mess, but when is there time to clean? I always have one handful. Maybe on Fridays when I stay home with both of them.
The thing is that I get really overwhelmed staying home with
both of them. I’m actually quite
terrified of Fridays. I’m starting to
realize that a lot of it is the unfair expectation that since I’m home, I need
to do all the laundry. Wash all the
dishes. Have dinner prepared by the time
you get home.
I’m lucky if Kid will take a nap, or sit quietly in her
room for a couple hours. It’s SUPER rare
that Baby would nap at the same time. I
usually use that time to pick up- not sleep like I really want to.
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